Reclaiming Me
So, I deleted that last post. I appreciate the comments though! You know, its just not worth taking up space on my blog. So, I *POOFED* it. Oh, the absolute power!
My last day here at Mount Holyoke will be December 29th. There is a lot to miss about this place. I look out this window and its just about the prettiest thing you could see. I remember when I started out here and all the hope and excitement I held. My first year was amazing, I truly felt like I'd found a home. When things started to go south that next year... I hung in there. I did. I really tried to make it all work, but in the end I just couldn't mold myself into whatever mystery shape I was supposed to become. Its a flawed setup and I honestly don't know how anyone is going to make it work.
This inability to re-shape "Jenn" into whatever I was supposed to be was really, really difficult for me to understand. I have a history of being pretty good at what I do and in the past have made all of my bosses happy. I felt satisfied by doing my job well. After struggling for the past two years and going from feeling like I was on top of the world only to have my hopes dashed... the roller coaster ride simply became too much. I started doubting every thing I did. I lost confidence and lost track of who I was and what I was capable of. It was like Stockholm Syndrome or something. I started to consider that maybe I was just awful to work with or that I was inept.
And then, something happened. I remembered what it felt like to be a part of something, to work with a group of people who in all of our dysfunctions and personality clashes were indeed folks I considered friends, colleagues. People that I could trust and a boss who I could talk to. I needed to once again feel like I was an integral and un-replaceable member of the team.
On Saturday I applied for the job, on Monday I got a call for an interview. Tuesday morning I went, Tuesday afternoon I had a job offer. I don't know... you tell me. Meant to be? I think so.
My last day here at Mount Holyoke will be December 29th. There is a lot to miss about this place. I look out this window and its just about the prettiest thing you could see. I remember when I started out here and all the hope and excitement I held. My first year was amazing, I truly felt like I'd found a home. When things started to go south that next year... I hung in there. I did. I really tried to make it all work, but in the end I just couldn't mold myself into whatever mystery shape I was supposed to become. Its a flawed setup and I honestly don't know how anyone is going to make it work.
This inability to re-shape "Jenn" into whatever I was supposed to be was really, really difficult for me to understand. I have a history of being pretty good at what I do and in the past have made all of my bosses happy. I felt satisfied by doing my job well. After struggling for the past two years and going from feeling like I was on top of the world only to have my hopes dashed... the roller coaster ride simply became too much. I started doubting every thing I did. I lost confidence and lost track of who I was and what I was capable of. It was like Stockholm Syndrome or something. I started to consider that maybe I was just awful to work with or that I was inept.
And then, something happened. I remembered what it felt like to be a part of something, to work with a group of people who in all of our dysfunctions and personality clashes were indeed folks I considered friends, colleagues. People that I could trust and a boss who I could talk to. I needed to once again feel like I was an integral and un-replaceable member of the team.
On Saturday I applied for the job, on Monday I got a call for an interview. Tuesday morning I went, Tuesday afternoon I had a job offer. I don't know... you tell me. Meant to be? I think so.
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