Seth's Reminder
I getting married in like 95 days. I know that Giftmas is like two weeks away and I have a boatload of kids to buy stuff for, but this wedding thing is so much more difficult.
I had this moment the other night where the reality of it hit me. I was lying in bed and watching tv and all of a sudden I sat up in a state of complete panic. Like totally insane panic attack. My lungs stopped doing what they were supposed to, my heart was pounding, cold sweat and complete panic set in. I was baffled at the thought that I was going to get married again. That he wanted to marry me. That we were making a decision that involves no turning back. I couldn't stop thinking about it, about the possibility that in 15 years we might not make it. That I would go through another divorce. That our kids would suffer. I was freaked.
I do a lot of things. Getting freaked out about stuff like this isn't one of them. Heights freak me out. The glass railing at the Holyoke Mall freaks me out. Crowds and loud places make me uncomfortable. Wal-Mart freaks me out. Flying freaks me out. Giant Granby spiders freak me out. Marrying the greatest guy ever shouldn't freak me out. I mean, we've been living together for almost 8 years. We have kids. Twins no less.
I sat there and reminded myself of his better qualities and listing all the things that we have survived together. It started to help and as my heart rate slowed down Seth came down the stairs. He was sleepy and adorable and pink. He asked me for a drink of milk, so we went upstairs together and I poured him a cup of ice cold milk which he kicked back in one gulp. I snuggled him into bed and he kissed me.
"Love you mommy."
"I love you too Sethie." He smiled at me.
"Do you love daddy too?"
"Of course I do."
"Oh. I love him too."
"Yeah, he sort of rocks right?"
He laughed at that. "Yeah! He plays Craftmine with me (his name for Minecraft)."
"Yep, you're a lucky kid Seth."
"You're lucky too right?"
Hells yeah I am. 95 days...
I had this moment the other night where the reality of it hit me. I was lying in bed and watching tv and all of a sudden I sat up in a state of complete panic. Like totally insane panic attack. My lungs stopped doing what they were supposed to, my heart was pounding, cold sweat and complete panic set in. I was baffled at the thought that I was going to get married again. That he wanted to marry me. That we were making a decision that involves no turning back. I couldn't stop thinking about it, about the possibility that in 15 years we might not make it. That I would go through another divorce. That our kids would suffer. I was freaked.
I do a lot of things. Getting freaked out about stuff like this isn't one of them. Heights freak me out. The glass railing at the Holyoke Mall freaks me out. Crowds and loud places make me uncomfortable. Wal-Mart freaks me out. Flying freaks me out. Giant Granby spiders freak me out. Marrying the greatest guy ever shouldn't freak me out. I mean, we've been living together for almost 8 years. We have kids. Twins no less.
I sat there and reminded myself of his better qualities and listing all the things that we have survived together. It started to help and as my heart rate slowed down Seth came down the stairs. He was sleepy and adorable and pink. He asked me for a drink of milk, so we went upstairs together and I poured him a cup of ice cold milk which he kicked back in one gulp. I snuggled him into bed and he kissed me.
"Love you mommy."
"I love you too Sethie." He smiled at me.
"Do you love daddy too?"
"Of course I do."
"Oh. I love him too."
"Yeah, he sort of rocks right?"
He laughed at that. "Yeah! He plays Craftmine with me (his name for Minecraft)."
"Yep, you're a lucky kid Seth."
"You're lucky too right?"
Hells yeah I am. 95 days...
OHHH THAT SETH HUG HIM !!!!
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