Dust
I haven't posted on here in over a year. I think its time to start again, but with maybe less whining, complaining and depression.
Deep breath in.... and out.... clear out the dust and let the sun shine in.
Better? I thought so.
A lot has changed for me in the last year. I've changed. It started slow and deep inside and then slowly creeped outside. I don't know what it is exactly or how it began, but all I can say is that if I was a happy person before, I'm annoyingly ecstatic and optimistic now.
The biggest change started with gaining control of finances. In a big way. If all the other changes I've made led to a 30 lb weight loss, then this change lifted about 20 tons from our shoulders. If you have any interest in this, I cannot tell you how much YNAB changed our lives. It meant that I was sleeping very soundly, that the bills are paid and I don't worry about it at all. I make pretty much the same I was two years ago, the only change was using this program and sticking to it.
After that happened, the rest sort of fell into place. As you may know, I deal with pain and fatigue from fibromyalgia. I had shoulder surgery last summer. The surgery kicked the fibro back into high gear and over the 2013 fall through 2014 winter, I gained 15 pounds. I was struggling with depression and my anxiety was back. It was pretty shitty. I couldn't figure out where I'd gone wrong. There was little stress in my life outside the normal mom stuff, work was going great. So what the hell?!
I had a follow up doctor appointment with my surgeon in February and realized I hadn't just gained 15 pounds. I was tipping the scales at almost 170 pounds. I realize that this is not a whole hell of a lot to some people, but my normal weight is more like 140 pounds. I was struggling to button up my pants that were sized 12 and 14. That wasn't going to fly.
My shoulder had re-frozen. The arthritis in my hips was back. My cholesterol was high. My BMI had me in the "overweight" category. I was tired. Damn was I tired. I was dusty. My bones were creaking, my muscles were always knotting up and feeling tight. I couldn't lift my arm higher than shoulder height.
My surgeon sent me to physical therapy. My PT sessions were almost immediately rewarding. It was excruciatingly painful, but it worked. Slowly my shoulder began to loosen up and when it did, I was left with an arm that could barely lift five pounds. The muscles had pretty much wasted away. My PT suggested I start a strength program and build up the muscles not only in my shoulder, but all around it to help support the joints.
On February 21st I joined a gym. I hired a trainer with solid credentials and reputation, one that I felt comfortable with and could build a great plan to work with the injury. I downloaded Myfitnesspal app and started tracking calories. I meal planned. I stopped drinking Diet Coke. I cut out red meat, pork (I actually never was a fan, but I did like bacon). At my trainers suggestion, I eventually also cut rice, pasta, white potatoes, and almost all dairy from my diet. The pounds started falling off. Within 6 weeks I was down 12 pounds.
I was able to join the gym and hire the trainer because our financial house was in order. I knew exactly how we would pay for it and not affect our savings plan. Magic!
My daughter Autumn joined with me and we have the same trainer. Its given us a whole new way of relating and supporting each other. We share progress pics I wouldn't show another human being on the planet. Our trainer Justin pits us against each other and while she usually kicks my ass, every now and then... I win one.
So, here I am almosts 5 months later feeling better than I have in my adult life. I did things slowly and I still do. I can't get to the gym five days a week. I go two or three days a week and still I am building muscle and strength. I can do things now that I definitely couldn't do in my thirties.
Four weeks ago I decided to tackle my high cholesterol with everything I had. Heart disease is pretty serious in my family and to be honest, I'm terrified of dropping from a heart attack before I see a grandbaby. Fear is a big part of this puzzle. I am aging and the influx of gray hairs is a lovely reminder as to how short life is. I spoke to my primary care doctor and she agreed that with my new idea in mind, I could stop taking the statin medication if I promised to have blood draws every 6-8 weeks to monitor things. The statins were making me tired or dizzy and the new one we tried made my whole body hurt.
I decided that at the age of 41, I was going to become the one thing I never, ever thought I would be: a runner.
As a kid, I was the worst athlete in the world. Too many ballet lessons had me running like a, well, like a ballerina. I sort of floated on the balls of my feet and kept my arms out at my sides. It was horrible. I was fit, but I was NOT a runner. I knew I would have to go slow, but I did have four months of strength and cardio training under my belt, so I figured to give it a go.
I downloaded the C25K app onto my phone and I started. It was pure, unadulterated hell. Just freaking terrible. That first run was the most humbling experience of my life. Until I finished and I felt like anything was possible. I was still alive!! I had run and walked for thirty minutes and it was hard, but I did it. I did it!
Every run is hard. Every new week ups the challenge and when I finish, I feel like I won the lottery. Its getting easier to breathe. My legs feel strong. My body is adapting my strengthening my bones in my feet, ankles, legs, hips and back. The very parts of me that will fall apart first. My body is making new capillaries and learning to become efficient at delivering oxygen to my organs and skin. My brain is firing off signals faster than ever. The "machine" part of me is getting stronger and better at doing just about everything.
I can't believe it, but on August 18th, I'm running my first 5K with my husband. In September, Seth and I are running a 5K together and this week we begin to run together. JP has offered to make a sign and cheer us on!
Never. Never have I ever imagined I'd be doing this. So, the blog is back. I blown away the dust and found that the blog still has some shine to it. Still has something to say. This time with a new focus on health, family, happiness and most of all... peace. The kind you make for yourself when you realize there is nobody who can do it for you.
Deep breath in.... and out.... clear out the dust and let the sun shine in.
Better? I thought so.
A lot has changed for me in the last year. I've changed. It started slow and deep inside and then slowly creeped outside. I don't know what it is exactly or how it began, but all I can say is that if I was a happy person before, I'm annoyingly ecstatic and optimistic now.
The biggest change started with gaining control of finances. In a big way. If all the other changes I've made led to a 30 lb weight loss, then this change lifted about 20 tons from our shoulders. If you have any interest in this, I cannot tell you how much YNAB changed our lives. It meant that I was sleeping very soundly, that the bills are paid and I don't worry about it at all. I make pretty much the same I was two years ago, the only change was using this program and sticking to it.
After that happened, the rest sort of fell into place. As you may know, I deal with pain and fatigue from fibromyalgia. I had shoulder surgery last summer. The surgery kicked the fibro back into high gear and over the 2013 fall through 2014 winter, I gained 15 pounds. I was struggling with depression and my anxiety was back. It was pretty shitty. I couldn't figure out where I'd gone wrong. There was little stress in my life outside the normal mom stuff, work was going great. So what the hell?!
I had a follow up doctor appointment with my surgeon in February and realized I hadn't just gained 15 pounds. I was tipping the scales at almost 170 pounds. I realize that this is not a whole hell of a lot to some people, but my normal weight is more like 140 pounds. I was struggling to button up my pants that were sized 12 and 14. That wasn't going to fly.
My shoulder had re-frozen. The arthritis in my hips was back. My cholesterol was high. My BMI had me in the "overweight" category. I was tired. Damn was I tired. I was dusty. My bones were creaking, my muscles were always knotting up and feeling tight. I couldn't lift my arm higher than shoulder height.
My surgeon sent me to physical therapy. My PT sessions were almost immediately rewarding. It was excruciatingly painful, but it worked. Slowly my shoulder began to loosen up and when it did, I was left with an arm that could barely lift five pounds. The muscles had pretty much wasted away. My PT suggested I start a strength program and build up the muscles not only in my shoulder, but all around it to help support the joints.
On February 21st I joined a gym. I hired a trainer with solid credentials and reputation, one that I felt comfortable with and could build a great plan to work with the injury. I downloaded Myfitnesspal app and started tracking calories. I meal planned. I stopped drinking Diet Coke. I cut out red meat, pork (I actually never was a fan, but I did like bacon). At my trainers suggestion, I eventually also cut rice, pasta, white potatoes, and almost all dairy from my diet. The pounds started falling off. Within 6 weeks I was down 12 pounds.
I was able to join the gym and hire the trainer because our financial house was in order. I knew exactly how we would pay for it and not affect our savings plan. Magic!
My daughter Autumn joined with me and we have the same trainer. Its given us a whole new way of relating and supporting each other. We share progress pics I wouldn't show another human being on the planet. Our trainer Justin pits us against each other and while she usually kicks my ass, every now and then... I win one.
So, here I am almosts 5 months later feeling better than I have in my adult life. I did things slowly and I still do. I can't get to the gym five days a week. I go two or three days a week and still I am building muscle and strength. I can do things now that I definitely couldn't do in my thirties.
Four weeks ago I decided to tackle my high cholesterol with everything I had. Heart disease is pretty serious in my family and to be honest, I'm terrified of dropping from a heart attack before I see a grandbaby. Fear is a big part of this puzzle. I am aging and the influx of gray hairs is a lovely reminder as to how short life is. I spoke to my primary care doctor and she agreed that with my new idea in mind, I could stop taking the statin medication if I promised to have blood draws every 6-8 weeks to monitor things. The statins were making me tired or dizzy and the new one we tried made my whole body hurt.
I decided that at the age of 41, I was going to become the one thing I never, ever thought I would be: a runner.
As a kid, I was the worst athlete in the world. Too many ballet lessons had me running like a, well, like a ballerina. I sort of floated on the balls of my feet and kept my arms out at my sides. It was horrible. I was fit, but I was NOT a runner. I knew I would have to go slow, but I did have four months of strength and cardio training under my belt, so I figured to give it a go.
I downloaded the C25K app onto my phone and I started. It was pure, unadulterated hell. Just freaking terrible. That first run was the most humbling experience of my life. Until I finished and I felt like anything was possible. I was still alive!! I had run and walked for thirty minutes and it was hard, but I did it. I did it!
Every run is hard. Every new week ups the challenge and when I finish, I feel like I won the lottery. Its getting easier to breathe. My legs feel strong. My body is adapting my strengthening my bones in my feet, ankles, legs, hips and back. The very parts of me that will fall apart first. My body is making new capillaries and learning to become efficient at delivering oxygen to my organs and skin. My brain is firing off signals faster than ever. The "machine" part of me is getting stronger and better at doing just about everything.
I can't believe it, but on August 18th, I'm running my first 5K with my husband. In September, Seth and I are running a 5K together and this week we begin to run together. JP has offered to make a sign and cheer us on!
Never. Never have I ever imagined I'd be doing this. So, the blog is back. I blown away the dust and found that the blog still has some shine to it. Still has something to say. This time with a new focus on health, family, happiness and most of all... peace. The kind you make for yourself when you realize there is nobody who can do it for you.
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