Eye Crinkles

James, first day of 11th grade

Seth, first day of 11th grade

 

 There are three drafts on here sitting in the little file manager. Remnants of failed writing attempts. Sometimes the truth burns and I'm not up for the pain. 

 Sorting out the last last two years of my life will take the rest of my lifetime.

Aaron's father passed away in March from COVID19. He was sixty years old. It was horrific. He was otherwise healthy - no lung issues or asthma. Maybe some extra pounds that he had been shedding for months. He was a very private man and my husband is as well, so I won't say much other than to say he passed before the vaccine was available to his age group. He was the connective tissue in the family and who or what holds them together now remains to be seen.

We lost a lot of people in a year. Both of our dads, my Clancy, my beloved Aunty Andree and Uncle Roger, my dear Aunt Jane passed from a sudden heart attack. Last week, my daughters lost their grandmother. I wasn't finished grasping one loss when another was gone. 

And now, my mom is hurting.

She broke a vertebrae sometime late in the late or early hours on July 4. She is in a rehab still. The other day she walked fifteen steps twice. It took two or three days to recover from the exertion. We visit often. The last nine days we have only been able to wave at her in the window and drop-off food. This is because an un-vaccinated employee got Covid. So that means the gym is shutdown and PT is barely happening. No visits.  You know, because that's their personal choice that doesn't impact anyone. 

I can't. I just can't. I'm so god damn angry and burnt out.

 My capacity for trying to see the other side ends when the other side is stupid. Like literally dumb. I'm sure there are folks out there who truly cannot get this vaccine or any other vaccine for that matter. And that would make it even more imperative that the rest of us do it. 

For the rest of us, for the knuckle-draggers out there - I've been referring to the latest wave of Covid that is killing the anti-mask and anti-vax crowd as The Great Cleansing. I say, swallow your dewormer with great haste. Go to your nearest Internet-Research Field Hospital right behind Bob's Junkyard and leave the ICU to the rest of us folks with fully functioning frontal lobes. If you don't trust medicine, then why be a dead hypocrite when you can just be dead with a dwindling GoFundMe to support your children for the rest of their lives?

Enough. Good God, enough.

~~~~

I quit my horrific job. I emailed the entire leadership team of the company I was working for. There are fifty-two senior leaders between Trinity Health and Trinity Health of New England. I swear to God, hospitals cut all the secretaries and replaced them with Vice Presidents. Of all these people, I met exactly one who was any good at her job. She was a former secretary and one of four women at that level.  

I have a lifetime of connection to this organization. I was born and gave birth to my daughters in one of their hospitals. My mother worked for them for thirty-five years.

I ran hospital switchboards for a living. I started as an operator in 2001 while finishing my undergrad. I was overseeing three switchboards, forty operators, and three supervisors when I left. I had traveled North America designing call flows, call centers, alarm integration, code responses, and so much more at some of the biggest and best healthcare organizations in the country while working with our vendor for two years. I was great at what I did for a living and I had the reputation to back me up.

In the summer of 2019 I was asked to come back to Trinity to regionalize their switchboards. This would be a capstone project for my career. I would be using all the technical and management and communication skills I'd spent two decades building. I was thrilled at the opportunity. I returned to the halls of Mercy within the month.

It took me about a week to understand just how terrible the leadership had become regionally. Nobody knew anyone. People were all over the place. Moral was at an all-time low before the pandemic. But then it hit and it hit hard.

When patients can't have visitors, they get phone calls. A lot of phone calls. Our switchboards went crazy. We were already drowning and unable to fill shifts. The pay was far too low and not at all competitive with other call centers. I'd managed to get raises for nearly the entire team and got our pay grade increased, but it still wasn't enough.

Then the lay-offs started and my entire department was moved  from Telecom to Security.The connections and partnerships I had in Telecom were essentially keeping this massive project afloat.

In April 2021, about three weeks after losing dad, I met my new boss:

 

Jenn, this is Don (fake name), Director of Security and Emergency Preparedness.

we pretend to shake hands across the table - it was as corny as you're picturing in your head

I just want you to know that I am going to stay out of your way. I'm really more of a, "call me if you need me" sort of guy.  I trust you ladies to reach out if you need me.

i glanced over at my former boss and i think he saw me turn a shade of red i usually need an hour of sunshine for.

Did you start out in the switchboard, Don?

he smiles brightly and shakes his head no. no experience.

No, but I'd really like to learn what you all do in there!

the skin around his eyes crinkle indicating an upturned mouth under the mask

Yeah, I'll start training you right away, Don. 

i returned the eye crinkle

Just so you know, I'm going to stay out of your way. From everything I've heard, you've got this pretty well buttoned up and you don't really need managing? 

more eye crinkles all around. the clock on the wall was hours off, but it ticked loudly

Yeah, well, I've been doing this work for a long time. 

That's what leadership says.

Really? That's nice to hear.

Yep. I'll just leave this to you ladies and if you need anything at all from me, I'm here for you.

In case you were wondering if this shit still happens in 2021, it absolutely does. It wasn't a matter of them not knowing me or my work, it was a matter of expediency and whatever was easier and cheaper. Let me do all the heavy lifting but pay a security guard as director? Not this chick.

I left July 5th. One week after implementing our new regional software.

We are all experiencing some of the best moments of our lives and some of the worst. Balance. You know, that impossible thing that we all look for while walking a tightrope that's far too loose with a packed suitcase dangling from your right hand. Eventually, that suitcase will kill you if you don't let it go.

Hiking Mt Tom

Danielle and Kyle making mutton pies

Autumn, Aaron, and Andrew on our sailing adventure