Melancholy Sunday
Maybe it was the weather....
I slept until noon. The pain in my joints has been somewhat terrible and yesterday it all caught up to me. I was tired. I am tired. I haven't been able to feel three fingers on my right hand for over a week. My shoulders and elbows are making creaking sounds which sounds just like an old door hinge.
I couldn't snap out of the blues. It was hanging there in the air and it wouldn't let go. For the first time in my life, I understood the word "melancholy." This feeling that nothing is going right, that we are all just pawns in a game. I was angry at the fruitlessness of the struggle, at the "what the hell does it all mean?" I wanted so badly to crawl under a rock and stay there. Or just get on a highway and drive for hours.
I dropped onto the couch when I got home and right about that time, Seth woke up from his nap. He stumbled over to me all warm and sleepy. Little boys post-nap is heaven. After I snuggled him in next to me and brushed my hand over his pink cheeks, I gave him a little kiss. He leaned his head against me and whispered, "Mommy. You're my best friend."
"Your my best friend too, Seth." And I held that little boy so tightly. The tears that wouldn't roll earlier stood out in my eyes, threatening to take the moment away and make it something it wasn't.
I slept until noon. The pain in my joints has been somewhat terrible and yesterday it all caught up to me. I was tired. I am tired. I haven't been able to feel three fingers on my right hand for over a week. My shoulders and elbows are making creaking sounds which sounds just like an old door hinge.
I couldn't snap out of the blues. It was hanging there in the air and it wouldn't let go. For the first time in my life, I understood the word "melancholy." This feeling that nothing is going right, that we are all just pawns in a game. I was angry at the fruitlessness of the struggle, at the "what the hell does it all mean?" I wanted so badly to crawl under a rock and stay there. Or just get on a highway and drive for hours.
I dropped onto the couch when I got home and right about that time, Seth woke up from his nap. He stumbled over to me all warm and sleepy. Little boys post-nap is heaven. After I snuggled him in next to me and brushed my hand over his pink cheeks, I gave him a little kiss. He leaned his head against me and whispered, "Mommy. You're my best friend."
"Your my best friend too, Seth." And I held that little boy so tightly. The tears that wouldn't roll earlier stood out in my eyes, threatening to take the moment away and make it something it wasn't.
I totally get it.
ReplyDeleteJenn you need to take every darn thing you've ever written on here - put it all together and Presto there is your book - no rhyme nor reason - it's all good. This post brought those tears to the corners of my eyes just like you said so beautifully. Just do it. Annie
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