Scapegoats
Its been a couple days since I posted something political and maybe controversial, so here you go.
I'm a Dan Savage fan. I listen to his podcast and find it funny, outrageous, touching at times and his opening monologue always gives my brain something to ponder. Last week he opened with a statement about the suicide of Tyler Clementi. Dan had written about this way back in October 2010 and his stance about the two college students responsible for streaming Tyler's sexual encounter. I agree with him.
Here's a snippet:
"The rush to crucify the two Rutgers students who were involved in streaming Tyler's encounter with another boy—who has not harmed himself—is more clearly revealed to be, with each passing day, nothing more than an effort to deflect blame by shifting all responsibility for Tyler's death onto the shoulders of a couple of foolish teenagers. But it is clear—the other boy did not commit suicide—that there were other people who contributed to Tyler's death. Indeed, other people may be more culpable: middle and high school classmates who may have brutalized Tyler for years; school administrators who may have failed to protect him; religious "leaders" and religious "traditions" that pounded self-hatred into him. And I'm very sorry to say this but it has to be said: Tyler's own family may bear some responsibility for his decision to end his life."
Was Tyler raised in "The Land of Leviticus?" How is the other boy who appeared in the video still alive? Was Tyler just shy and his life before this was fine? I find that hard to believe. Some accounts tells us that Ravi, his roommate who did the video, was so happy for Tyler that he thought outing him would mean he could finally be himself and be at peace with who he was. Could this prank be something that was originally well-intentioned? As stupid, thoughtless, invasive and wrong as it was, it was intended to be a prank. It was perpetrated by two kids barely out of high school. Surely these two teenagers never could have imagined that Tyler would jump off the Washington State Bridge as a result. But he did, and the other boy didn't. Why?
As a parent of four kids, I want to know what happened there. What did the other boy have that Tyler didn't? What can I do to protect my kids from the sort of hate spewed forth by the political and religious leaders in our country? Even our Democratic President is anti-gay marriage.
How does a parent make it truly okay for their kids to be themselves without fear? How do you protect a gay son or lesbian daughter from the bigotry that is so invasive in this world? How do you send them out into the world knowing that there are people out there who will hate your beautiful, wonderful son simply because of who he loves? And how do we as adults, gay or straight, raise our kids to be strong enough to stand up for those who aren't?
As Dan Savage so eloquently put it in this letter:
"The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from lips of "faithful Christians," and the lies that spew forth from the pulpit of the churches "faithful Christians" drag their kids to on Sundays, give your straight children a license to verbally abuse, humiliate and condemn the gay children they encounter at school. And many of your straight children—having listened to mom and dad talk about how gay marriage is a threat to the family and how gay sex makes their magic sky friend Jesus cry himself to sleep—feel justified in physically attacking the gay and lesbian children they encounter in their schools. You don't have to explicitly "encourage [your] children to mock, hurt, or intimidate" gay kids. Your encouragement—along with your hatred and fear—is implicit. It's here, it's clear, and we can see the fruits of it."
Nobody knows the real reason for Tyler's suicide. I do however believe that the video was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it wasn't solely responsible for it. Something was amiss long before Tyler arrived on the Rutger's campus. It is very convenient to make it a simple finger-point though isn't it? I mean the alternative spreads blame fairly close to home wouldn't it?
I'm a Dan Savage fan. I listen to his podcast and find it funny, outrageous, touching at times and his opening monologue always gives my brain something to ponder. Last week he opened with a statement about the suicide of Tyler Clementi. Dan had written about this way back in October 2010 and his stance about the two college students responsible for streaming Tyler's sexual encounter. I agree with him.
Here's a snippet:
"The rush to crucify the two Rutgers students who were involved in streaming Tyler's encounter with another boy—who has not harmed himself—is more clearly revealed to be, with each passing day, nothing more than an effort to deflect blame by shifting all responsibility for Tyler's death onto the shoulders of a couple of foolish teenagers. But it is clear—the other boy did not commit suicide—that there were other people who contributed to Tyler's death. Indeed, other people may be more culpable: middle and high school classmates who may have brutalized Tyler for years; school administrators who may have failed to protect him; religious "leaders" and religious "traditions" that pounded self-hatred into him. And I'm very sorry to say this but it has to be said: Tyler's own family may bear some responsibility for his decision to end his life."
Was Tyler raised in "The Land of Leviticus?" How is the other boy who appeared in the video still alive? Was Tyler just shy and his life before this was fine? I find that hard to believe. Some accounts tells us that Ravi, his roommate who did the video, was so happy for Tyler that he thought outing him would mean he could finally be himself and be at peace with who he was. Could this prank be something that was originally well-intentioned? As stupid, thoughtless, invasive and wrong as it was, it was intended to be a prank. It was perpetrated by two kids barely out of high school. Surely these two teenagers never could have imagined that Tyler would jump off the Washington State Bridge as a result. But he did, and the other boy didn't. Why?
As a parent of four kids, I want to know what happened there. What did the other boy have that Tyler didn't? What can I do to protect my kids from the sort of hate spewed forth by the political and religious leaders in our country? Even our Democratic President is anti-gay marriage.
How does a parent make it truly okay for their kids to be themselves without fear? How do you protect a gay son or lesbian daughter from the bigotry that is so invasive in this world? How do you send them out into the world knowing that there are people out there who will hate your beautiful, wonderful son simply because of who he loves? And how do we as adults, gay or straight, raise our kids to be strong enough to stand up for those who aren't?
As Dan Savage so eloquently put it in this letter:
"The dehumanizing bigotries that fall from lips of "faithful Christians," and the lies that spew forth from the pulpit of the churches "faithful Christians" drag their kids to on Sundays, give your straight children a license to verbally abuse, humiliate and condemn the gay children they encounter at school. And many of your straight children—having listened to mom and dad talk about how gay marriage is a threat to the family and how gay sex makes their magic sky friend Jesus cry himself to sleep—feel justified in physically attacking the gay and lesbian children they encounter in their schools. You don't have to explicitly "encourage [your] children to mock, hurt, or intimidate" gay kids. Your encouragement—along with your hatred and fear—is implicit. It's here, it's clear, and we can see the fruits of it."
Nobody knows the real reason for Tyler's suicide. I do however believe that the video was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it wasn't solely responsible for it. Something was amiss long before Tyler arrived on the Rutger's campus. It is very convenient to make it a simple finger-point though isn't it? I mean the alternative spreads blame fairly close to home wouldn't it?
Comments
Post a Comment