12

Today is Danielle's 12th birthday. She started losing her mind about a year ago and I'm waiting quite anxiously for her to stabilize and return to me a lot less, well, crazy.

Something happens to girls when they turn 11. Hormones. Or something. And for about 2 or 3 years the mood swings are sudden, sharp and never easily forecast. I have found that she is most unbearable when she is tired, is told no, wants something she can't have, is told something she doesn't like to hear or any day of the week ending in "y".

Normally for a child's special day I would write about how fast the years have gone, how awesome they are and blah blah blah. Danielle is awesome, in fact until her 11th year she was actually closer to me than any of my kids. My goomba, buddy, sidekick. And then it happened. All bets were off after that. So, I am going to write about the young lady I can't wait to meet again. The person I envision her to become.

~~

August 15, 2018

Dear Danielle,

Well, for the first time in years you won't be off to college in a month! I am so proud of your accomplishments at Johnson & Wales. How exciting that you have decided to travel for a year throughout the country with your cousin Lauren! I always knew the two of you would do it! Just be safe okay? Remember last year you guys got lost and ended up traveling Rhode Island for three days and then the car broke down so you pushed into the ocean? Its still not funny... so don't even try.

Remember, the GPS is only as good as you are a listener. So keep the 100gb iPod down a bit. And use the sat phone to call if you need anything. Seriously. Don't do what you did last time and wave down a cruiser only to realize it was a nutjob in a stolen police car. I'm still so pround of Lauren for taking him down while you jumped on his back and held him until the real police got there. That was incredibly stupid, but also pretty damn cool. At least we know the Grand Theft Auto 24: Vice Suburbia came in handy!

Now, when you travel down south to see the virtual New Orleans exhibit (I still can't believe another Katrina happened. It was a great place too. Not sure how they didn't see it coming -they never finished the stupid levy! Sand bags are not exactly cutting edge technology!) take tons of video so I can see it with you. I'll have my iPhone15G ready to stream!

When you meet up with Autumn tell her that the boys say "Hi" to her and Gerard. Not sure why I ever doubted that girl... she always said she was going to marry him. AND remind her that there is more to life than a PhD in the history of punk music. Oh and don't forget that there are magnetized gates leading into the waterfront so your piercings don't get sucked from your faces. Remember what happened last time?? I told her not to pierce her septim.

So, when was that cook-off on Oprah with Rachel Ray again? I'll write it down this time I promise! 22 years old and already on Oprah and you didn't even kill anyone. Oh gosh... did you? Did Lauren? You guys better be honest with me. Aunty Lisa will ground her forever. Nevermind that she doesn't live there, trust me when I say you don't mess with my sisters! Tell Oprah I said hello again! So cool that Rachel wants a do-over. You kicked her butt once you'll do it again! Just keep Oprah away so she doesn't start licking the bowl until you're done. Thyroid problem my ass. I think she's senile by now anyhow. What is she 70? Glad that she and Gayle finally came out! G-Force!

Okay, so take care! And please for the love of God take a shower before going on tv! And change those pants, you've been wearing them for a week.

Love you kid,

Mom

P.S. Clancy says hello. Smart ass dog - I told you I could teach him to type!