Old photos and work
My parents gave me this shoebox of pictures last night. Pictures I haven't seen in over 10 years, some I totally forgot even existed. Autumn's birth, Danielle's birth. Wedding and wedding shower. Dance classes and old school field trips.
I was looking at the pictures of me and it was like looking at someone I didn't know. I was trying to put myself in each moment and reflect on what my days were like then, who I was exactly. Did I know then? I think I thought I did. But I can't really put "me" in there. I was so totally different 12 and 13 years ago. I was a little stupid and somehow, magically, naive too. It took a long time for life to sufficiently kick me in ass enough to get me to become the jaded and sardonic woman I am today. It wasn't easy to learn how to expect the worst! I kid, I kid. I still expect the best and take people at their word. I"m just a lot less surprised when the truth reveals itself.
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I am under advisement (thanks Heather!) that speaking about certain parts of my job may not be a good idea. So, I'll just say that things are what they are. I am concentrating on rising to the challenges and being "transparent" (that's academia speak for CYA - Cover Your Ass). I know I do my job well and I know that I have it in me to let certain things roll off my back. And that's what I do. My heart is not in it the way it used to be. I cross off items on my to-do lists and do my job. My motivation has simply re-adjusted: I collect my paycheck, get my family's medical insurance and hopefully one day take advantage of the free college for my kids.
I mean, what the hell else do I want anyhow?
Could be much worse. Couldn't it?
I was looking at the pictures of me and it was like looking at someone I didn't know. I was trying to put myself in each moment and reflect on what my days were like then, who I was exactly. Did I know then? I think I thought I did. But I can't really put "me" in there. I was so totally different 12 and 13 years ago. I was a little stupid and somehow, magically, naive too. It took a long time for life to sufficiently kick me in ass enough to get me to become the jaded and sardonic woman I am today. It wasn't easy to learn how to expect the worst! I kid, I kid. I still expect the best and take people at their word. I"m just a lot less surprised when the truth reveals itself.
~~~~
I am under advisement (thanks Heather!) that speaking about certain parts of my job may not be a good idea. So, I'll just say that things are what they are. I am concentrating on rising to the challenges and being "transparent" (that's academia speak for CYA - Cover Your Ass). I know I do my job well and I know that I have it in me to let certain things roll off my back. And that's what I do. My heart is not in it the way it used to be. I cross off items on my to-do lists and do my job. My motivation has simply re-adjusted: I collect my paycheck, get my family's medical insurance and hopefully one day take advantage of the free college for my kids.
I mean, what the hell else do I want anyhow?
Could be much worse. Couldn't it?
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