Random Blatherings
Working tonight. 3-11. Waaaay too late for me. Usually in bed at 9:30 and asleep by 10. Work is so ridiculously slow I have the volume up on the tv in the waiting area. Depressing news is on about the pets left behind by the victims of Katrina (or Corrina if you're Laura Bush). Just awful stuff. These poor dogs.
So, I work at a behavioral health hospital. Psych wards for anyone aged 4 and up. Detox for heroin and alcohol. I've been here for nearly 5 years now and I usually work in outpatient. I sign people up for our services like therapy, methadone maintenance and sub abuse programs. Needless to say, I deal with some pretty interesting people on a daily basis. We have a lot of frequent flyers that are always a real kick to deal with. Here are some goodies.... (names have been changed to protect me from HIPAA)
1. Debbie Soandso: Calls us usually every 3-4 months with tales of another rape by another member of a minority group. Debbie is special. She usually requests a therapist but will specify as to what ethnicity and religion she wants based on the most recent attack. For example, once she called and had been acosted by a group of black, jewish men. Therapist should be a white, Protestant female. She never shows up for her appointments. And she really should. The fallout is usually us fighting over who has to talk to her as she is notoriously long winded and very difficult to shutup. Borderlines are fun!!!
2. Victooooooooria. yes, she really says her name like that. She has wonderful delusions of grandeur and likes to treat us like we're the lint in between her toes. She is a homeless woman with many, many psych issues. I schedule the appointments and sometimes she goes.
3. Countless Clueless: these are the calls that start with, "Yeah, they told me to call."
"Who told you to call?"
"The people at the place."
"What place?"
"The court/DSS/crisis team (insert government agency of choice)"
"And what did they want you to call for?"
"Don't you know?" said with utter shock.
"I'm sorry, unless you know I really can't help you. Did you go to court for something?"
"Yeah. I went today because you see, my girl got real pissed and she called the cops and blah, blah, blah....."
"Okay, so the judge ordered you to what? Anger management, substance abuse evalualtion, domestic violence. Any of those things?"
"yeah, I think so."
"Do you have any paperwork from court?"
"Ummmmm... yeah they gave me something but I don't know what happened to it you know."
"Okay, well, why don't we set you up for an evaluation and tomorrow you can call your probation officer and find out exactly what services you need. Do you have medical insurance?"
"Yeah, I have MassHealth"
~~~~~
Other great lines I have heard:
"I'm calling for the psycho-ness and whatnot."
"Hi, I'm calling for methadone. I'm 7 months pregnant and using 10 bags of heroin a day. But I take my prenatal vitamins."
"They called the people on me."
"I'm calling for therapy for my 2 year old. I think he has that defiant disorder because he doesn't listen, he runs all over the place and says no constantly. Isn't there a med for that?"
"My boyfriend and I want to get married but we need couples therapy. He keeps cheating on me."
"My son needs your help and I've been calling everywhere trying to get him help."
"How old is he?"
"36"
"Will this go on my CORI check? I'm a teacher." (Asking for methadone)
Oh and the list goes on and on.... I love my job.
So, I work at a behavioral health hospital. Psych wards for anyone aged 4 and up. Detox for heroin and alcohol. I've been here for nearly 5 years now and I usually work in outpatient. I sign people up for our services like therapy, methadone maintenance and sub abuse programs. Needless to say, I deal with some pretty interesting people on a daily basis. We have a lot of frequent flyers that are always a real kick to deal with. Here are some goodies.... (names have been changed to protect me from HIPAA)
1. Debbie Soandso: Calls us usually every 3-4 months with tales of another rape by another member of a minority group. Debbie is special. She usually requests a therapist but will specify as to what ethnicity and religion she wants based on the most recent attack. For example, once she called and had been acosted by a group of black, jewish men. Therapist should be a white, Protestant female. She never shows up for her appointments. And she really should. The fallout is usually us fighting over who has to talk to her as she is notoriously long winded and very difficult to shutup. Borderlines are fun!!!
2. Victooooooooria. yes, she really says her name like that. She has wonderful delusions of grandeur and likes to treat us like we're the lint in between her toes. She is a homeless woman with many, many psych issues. I schedule the appointments and sometimes she goes.
3. Countless Clueless: these are the calls that start with, "Yeah, they told me to call."
"Who told you to call?"
"The people at the place."
"What place?"
"The court/DSS/crisis team (insert government agency of choice)"
"And what did they want you to call for?"
"Don't you know?" said with utter shock.
"I'm sorry, unless you know I really can't help you. Did you go to court for something?"
"Yeah. I went today because you see, my girl got real pissed and she called the cops and blah, blah, blah....."
"Okay, so the judge ordered you to what? Anger management, substance abuse evalualtion, domestic violence. Any of those things?"
"yeah, I think so."
"Do you have any paperwork from court?"
"Ummmmm... yeah they gave me something but I don't know what happened to it you know."
"Okay, well, why don't we set you up for an evaluation and tomorrow you can call your probation officer and find out exactly what services you need. Do you have medical insurance?"
"Yeah, I have MassHealth"
~~~~~
Other great lines I have heard:
"I'm calling for the psycho-ness and whatnot."
"Hi, I'm calling for methadone. I'm 7 months pregnant and using 10 bags of heroin a day. But I take my prenatal vitamins."
"They called the people on me."
"I'm calling for therapy for my 2 year old. I think he has that defiant disorder because he doesn't listen, he runs all over the place and says no constantly. Isn't there a med for that?"
"My boyfriend and I want to get married but we need couples therapy. He keeps cheating on me."
"My son needs your help and I've been calling everywhere trying to get him help."
"How old is he?"
"36"
"Will this go on my CORI check? I'm a teacher." (Asking for methadone)
Oh and the list goes on and on.... I love my job.
LoL, that was funny, the things people say! You must be exhausted by the end of your shift, and then have to come home to the babies too...
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