Who's on Your List?

Mornings no longer are an instant, conscious reminder. I don’t have a running inner monologue reminding me that he is gone. I can talk about him and smile, I can remember every happy moment and feel the joy of those shared memories. I am hopeful. I live life differently than I did a year ago. I am thankful. I embrace opportunities to say the words “I love you” and “Thank you” and when I do say them, I mean them with all of my being.

Lessons learned the hard way.

Tomorrow, was supposed to be Patrick’s and Lierin’s wedding day. It was the one thing that I think kept him going at times. I still have his guest list saved, I have the list we made of things they needed to do and buy. I remember sitting at my computer writing the guest list with him and Lierin. She and I were trying to convince him that inviting every single person he ever knew to his wedding was not only expensive but a little crazy. Every name on the list had such meaning to him. Lierin and I were ready to hog tie him and toss him out the window at the time. The memory’s meaning has changed. Remembering him wrestle with the idea of someone not sharing his happiest day isn’t annoying in the least anymore. It reminds me that they were never names on a page to him, they were dear friends and family who were a part of his world. The idea of not sharing his wedding day with them was not something he was okay with… regardless of whether he could afford it or not. Every single person he knew, he wanted there.

Do me a favor reader. Tomorrow, take a moment and think about what your list would look like. Who would you list as a guest to your wedding day if you were going to be walking the aisle this weekend? Each name you think of, ask yourself if they know they would be on it. And then make sure they do know it.

I have no doubt in my mind that everyone (and there were a few hundred) on Patrick’s list knew they would be getting an invitation.