Facing the Music... again
Did you know that only 7% of all people who start a diet ever reach their goal? And of that 7% only 2% will keep the weight off for more than a year?
I joined ediets about a year and a half ago. I lost all my weight, I made it a size 6. A size I hadn't worn since I was 15. The day I reached my goal, I was at my OB/GYN's office. Finding out I was pregnant. That was last September. And for one day, I weighed 130 pounds.
The rest is history.
All during my pregnancy I looked forward so much to the day I would be hitting that treadmill again. I yearned to swim laps again. I was just in so much pain during that time I couldn't even think about it. And then.... I had newborn twins. Exhaustion. Total exhaustion.
And then I had 3 month olds. I was still tired, and my whole body just ached.
And then they were 5 month olds. Four kids... dance class... work.... laundry...
Excuses. I was afraid. I am afraid. I'm afraid to start because I am afraid I won't finish. I' m afraid that I will jump back in only to hate it. I am afraid.
And that's why only 7% make it to goal. F_E_A_R. They're not too busy. I mean, you have to eat... so where is the time in that? I mean, you can order a cheeseburg with bacon or you can order a turkey sandwhich on whole grain bread with lettuce and spicy mustard. It takes less time to make the stupid sandwhich. You can drink 10 glasses of water a day while doing everything else you do. yeah, I said 10.
So, I'm facing my fear. I re-joined ediets. It's really the most incredible diet plan... whole foods, natural stuff, low fat, low calorie, just a regular ole diet. But, the web site is FILLED with great stuff. I'm a member of the 7%ers group. And I'm terrified.
I'm afraid this body will never look the way it did a year ago. I'm afraid of chocolate, of pizza, of cheesecake, of beer. I'm afraid of it and I don't know why. I know I don't like being told what to do... but what if I'm the one telling me??? It doesn't make sense. But it's there... that knawing anxious feeling everytime I think about food. I've never admitted that before. I am afraid to be fat. I'm afraid that I'll stay this ugly forever. I hate being a size 14. I'm ashamed of it actually, and isnt that sad? That I walk around feeling like this when the answer is so damn simple.... put the ice cream down fatty!!!
I got over my fear of spiders. And I'll get over this one too. It's just sooo easy to step on the little buggers and soooo much harder to step into a gym.
I'll do this because I have to. I'm sick of being self-depracating about my size. It's annoying. I want the Jenn back who was a CAN DO, WILL DO, GET OUT OF MY WAY WORLD kind of girl.
I'm working on it. She'll be back, she's just been hiding from all this fear mongering. It's scary around here sometimes.
Day one. 160 pounds (I think... I'm afraid of the scale too). Goal: 135 by March 21st.
P.S. No spiders were injured during the typing of the post. In fact, I haven't killed one in years. We have a mutual respect for one another now.
I joined ediets about a year and a half ago. I lost all my weight, I made it a size 6. A size I hadn't worn since I was 15. The day I reached my goal, I was at my OB/GYN's office. Finding out I was pregnant. That was last September. And for one day, I weighed 130 pounds.
The rest is history.
All during my pregnancy I looked forward so much to the day I would be hitting that treadmill again. I yearned to swim laps again. I was just in so much pain during that time I couldn't even think about it. And then.... I had newborn twins. Exhaustion. Total exhaustion.
And then I had 3 month olds. I was still tired, and my whole body just ached.
And then they were 5 month olds. Four kids... dance class... work.... laundry...
Excuses. I was afraid. I am afraid. I'm afraid to start because I am afraid I won't finish. I' m afraid that I will jump back in only to hate it. I am afraid.
And that's why only 7% make it to goal. F_E_A_R. They're not too busy. I mean, you have to eat... so where is the time in that? I mean, you can order a cheeseburg with bacon or you can order a turkey sandwhich on whole grain bread with lettuce and spicy mustard. It takes less time to make the stupid sandwhich. You can drink 10 glasses of water a day while doing everything else you do. yeah, I said 10.
So, I'm facing my fear. I re-joined ediets. It's really the most incredible diet plan... whole foods, natural stuff, low fat, low calorie, just a regular ole diet. But, the web site is FILLED with great stuff. I'm a member of the 7%ers group. And I'm terrified.
I'm afraid this body will never look the way it did a year ago. I'm afraid of chocolate, of pizza, of cheesecake, of beer. I'm afraid of it and I don't know why. I know I don't like being told what to do... but what if I'm the one telling me??? It doesn't make sense. But it's there... that knawing anxious feeling everytime I think about food. I've never admitted that before. I am afraid to be fat. I'm afraid that I'll stay this ugly forever. I hate being a size 14. I'm ashamed of it actually, and isnt that sad? That I walk around feeling like this when the answer is so damn simple.... put the ice cream down fatty!!!
I got over my fear of spiders. And I'll get over this one too. It's just sooo easy to step on the little buggers and soooo much harder to step into a gym.
I'll do this because I have to. I'm sick of being self-depracating about my size. It's annoying. I want the Jenn back who was a CAN DO, WILL DO, GET OUT OF MY WAY WORLD kind of girl.
I'm working on it. She'll be back, she's just been hiding from all this fear mongering. It's scary around here sometimes.
Day one. 160 pounds (I think... I'm afraid of the scale too). Goal: 135 by March 21st.
P.S. No spiders were injured during the typing of the post. In fact, I haven't killed one in years. We have a mutual respect for one another now.
i know you can do this!!!i worry about your health more than you being fat!! with our family history,of heart problems and diabetes i sure hope you take that in consideration...YOU GO GIRL...
ReplyDeleteJenn
ReplyDeleteH, I am sure that you CAN & most important WILL do this!!! First of all you did it before & reached your goal so you can do it again! Second you are a women, & a determined one at that! Third of all you juggle being a working mother of three & a loving/caring/supportive girlfriend and you do that with grace... come on if you can tackle all that why be "scared" of a DIET and some stupid extra lbs. hanging around? Keep your head up,& i promise this will be the last "pep talk" post I do... well maybe! ;0)
hugs, Jenn
still needing to face "it" myself!