Not Just a Puzzle Piece Logo

I took the kids camping on Saturday to my sister Lisa & BIL Dave's cabin up in Heath. They've owned this little slice of peace since 1986. Its on Mohawk Estates, about ohhhh 2 acres of wooded land, a little cabin with a living room, kitchen and a currently being rebuilt bedroom (for the third time). Over the winter there was an ice storm that knocked trees down and collapsed the room. But I digress.

Anyhow, the five of us finally arrived around 7ish Saturday. We had a great time, the boys were in good moods and having a blast. They were up until midnight and both awake before 7am. Not bad!

As you may or may not know, my son JP has a mild form of autism called PDD-NOS(Pervasive Developmental Delay - Not Otherwise Specified). For the past year we have seen him really blossom and mature and change for the better. Compared to where he was a year ago, the change is nothing short of miraculous. Every now and then though, he reminds me that he isn't like other kids.

Sunday morning the whole big bunch of us went to the bathrooms/showers to get cleaned up. My boys came along as they looked like I had found them under a bridge. The bathrooms were packed - not good. JP and a crowd usually means terribleness. That he was tired and already waaaaay out of his element/schedule/place of normalcy/predictability certainly didn't help. He quickly devolved into an all-out meltdown. The meltdowns now are different than they used to be: now he has words. A year ago he would have just thrown himself on the floor, screamed nonsense, bit himself, pulled out his hair, etc. Or banged his head. Now, he can scream things like, "NO! NO SHOWER! I DON'T WANT IT!" And so, he did.

I need to point out something here... my LAST concern during these moments are the adults around me. I focus on him, on keeping him safe. I focus on where his twin brother is and making sure I don't lose sight of him. I focus on trying to get him back to himself. I freely acknowledge that a few years ago I would probably pass judgment on a scene like this one as much as the women did in the bathroom that morning. They did what a lot of people do: assume he is a brat and that I'm a bad mother. Honestly... I could give a shit what people think. I'm used to it, it wasn't the first public meltdown and it won't be the last. My daughters on the other hand... went into protective mode in a way I had never seen them.

There was a woman in the bathroom also waiting for a shower to open. She was in there with her 5 or 6 year old daughter. And she was NOT happy with my boy or with me. While JP was lashing out, (I was told about this later - I didn't notice her really) she picked up her daughter and hugged her and said, "I'm so glad you're such a good girl."

Had I seen or heard this I would have reacted. I wish I did because I have a great comeback already rehearsed for those moments/mothers... I've gotten to say it a few times in the past and it usually shuts them down right quick. Ready? Here it is...

"You should be glad that not only is she a good girl, she's a perfectly healthy one too. My son is a good boy too, having something wrong with your brain doesn't make you bad. It makes you different and sometimes it makes you loud or sad or angry. It isn't just a cutesy puzzle piece logo or something you read about in Parent magazine. So, say your thank you's that she isn't autistic and mind your own damn business."

I like to think that after that happens, the next time they see a mom or dad or child care provider struggling with a tantrum they remember that moment. They remember that that person is just human being trying to do their best in a difficult moment. Autism or not... kids are kids. Occasionally, they show us their imperfect sides and being imperfect parents we deal with it the best we can.

All this to say:

We had a great time. The boys had fun, but we came home a bit early due to exhaustion and continued meltdowns/short patience. I know when they've had enough and JP certainly had had enough. I was exhausted too, so we packed it in and came home. Girls are still there with my sister and her family so at least they got to stay and have fun.

I just want to close this post with a plea: Next time you see a child acting out, remember this post. Remember that it isn't just a label or a logo... there are a lot of parents out there who are made to feel bad by judgments made by strangers.

Kindness and understanding goes far.