Angry

Its so weird.  Every now and then over the past month or so, if I let myself really think about it... I get so fricking pissed off at Patrick.  At him.  Not at God or myself or anyone else.  Just really directly at him.

Is it possible to go through these stages this slow? We are heading towards two years and until this month, I haven't been angry at all.  Sad. Very sad.  But anger escaped me.  I didn't see the value in it and I didn't see how it would help anyone.  It just wasn't there for me.  It was for probably everyone else in my family (I'm assuming here), but none for me thanks.

And now that its here, I hate it.  The moment I feel it, my stomach flips right over.  Anger isn't an emotion I like.  I get angry and frustrated as much as anyone, but I really hate it. 

I was just on Pat's Facebook page and looking at the two things he posted right before going into the hospital and it just pissed me off.  I want to reach back in time and just slap him.  Ask him what the frick happened.  No sense.  His death makes no sense to me and it really pisses me off even more that there isn't a reason for it.

Sorry, had to vent.  No adults home, so ye olde blog will have to do.