Random Thoughts

Howdy stranger!  I have been completely neglecting my blog.  I have had this thing going for 5 years now.  For someone with some serious follow-through issues and flighty attention-span, that is pretty epic.  Especially when a lot of times it feels like you're writing to your mom and sisters and a few friends.  I often entertain the thought of stopping this, of living totally off the grid.  Delete the Facebook account, no more blog, no more listservs and online groups.  I mentioned retiring the blog to Aaron and for a guy who rarely, if ever, suggests I do something or not do something, his answer surprised me.  No.  Really fast, really simple.  No.  Blog stays.  I didn't think he spent much time on it or really read it that much, so it was sort of a stun to hear him feel that passionate about it.  He explained to me that his reason for feeling so pro-blog was that I basically have here a complete history of our lives through my words, photos, thoughts and so on.  When JP recently had what we thought was Revenge of Ogre Ear, we used the blog as a reference to what happened last time.  It has become a sort of biography of what it was like to deal with life changing events, where things went south and when they started to turn a corner. 

 

Personally, this blog has helped me get through so many emotions and feelings.  It is truly a selfish thing.  I am using this as a coping mechanism, a way to share with the world certain parts of our lives.  Oh sure, I could have lofty ambitions about it helping others and maybe it has.  Its not my goal though.  I don't write as a self-help guide and honestly, I'm so not in a place to offer words of wisdom to anyone.  Unless you would like a beginner's course on the merits of Google products, finding bargain priced yarn, finding over-priced yarn and perhaps a bit on the basics of pet nutrition.  Deep stuff, right?

 

I have used this blog as a soap box.  I have pissed people off and hurt a few family members with poorly chosen words.  I have touched nerves in good ways and bad.  I have received emails filled with fury and others filled with grief after a post about loss and death.  I have even received a couple of emails that were, well, pretty damn touching.

 

So, yes.  The blog stays even though I may not always be able to write as much as I'd like.  I do like to go back in time and read what we were doing on this day four years ago.  I like to read the early posts and then realize how bad my writing was back then.  Blogs are weird.  They're really just a series of shitty first drafts.  I do a better job now with writing a draft, proofing and revising and then hitting "post."  Not always, but most of the time.

 

So there's a rambling buch of hooey.

 

I went to Texas a few weeks ago for work.  It was fantastic and I would go back in a minute with Aaron and the girls.  The boys would be bored.  And they would totally jump right into that Riverwalk canal thingy.  I ate yummy food (Landry's Crab Fest was awesome!), drank yummy margaritas ($3 happy hour ones and $20 top shelf one), and learned a whole boat load of cool stuff.  I hated flying.  I was terrified.  Absolutely stupid thought of my somehow falling out of the plane and free-falling kept playing itself over and over again.  Never had that fear before when flying.  Its nice to know that we turn into big chickens full of anxiety as we age. 

 

My daughters are awesome.  Autumn is looking older lately, she is 16 and a half.  Danielle somehow just gets taller and longer.  Also looking like the almost-14 year old that she is.  When I think about Autumn turning 17 it freaks me out.  My role in raising her is almost over.  As soon as she takes off for college, that's it.  I can try to have some influence on her choices, but her instincts and how she handles herself out there is going to be out of my hands.    S-C-A-R-Y.  God I hope I didn't totally screw this up.

 

Boys.  The boys are doing great. Seth is a champion at video games.  Its actually a bit freaky how fast he learns this stuff.  Anyone who has ever been to my house knows we have the screwiest set up ever.  We have our computer networked through our X-Box, so to watch movies that we buy online legally through legal means you have to turn on the X-Box, hit random buttons in certain orders and pull a rabbit out of a hat.  Well, Seth figured it out.  Now, when family babysits, they are at his mercy as to what they will watch and what games he will play.  He's like a little dictator with that controller and everyone is sort of sitting there going, "Ace Ventura three times in a row?  Why the hell not, I can't stop the kid."  JP wants nothing to do with the controller.  He is one of the rare individuals who actually likes to watch others play video games.  This baffles me.  When I watch someone play, I think, "Give me the controller! Give it! Give it!  Give it!"  And then I play for ten minutes and get bored. 

 

We setup one of those pools that magically rises up and forms walls while it fills with water.  Thing is fantastic!  Boys get in there and just play and play.  Best. Thing. Ever.  Its almost 20 feet across and about 4 feet deep.  Perfect.

 

Work.  I don't like to write about my job very much on here so all I will say is that right now, I've never loved a job more.  Big projects happening, things are going great.  My two bosses are fantastic people and the best decision I've ever made was to come here.  I miss a few folks at MHC and I do miss the beauty of the campus.  But there is a lot there I don't miss.  At all.  So, things are going well.  Very well.  I am working hard and I love every minute of it.  There is nothing like feeling needed, necessary and appreciated all rolled into one.  If you get that from your job, then you're in the right place I guess. 

 

Life rolls doesn't it?  It trucks along and every now and then you look around and wonder where the days went.  I love moments in my day where I'm reminded about what's important, that today shouldn't be allowed to just slip by totally unnoticed and un-accounted for.  Taking a day by the horns and living it.  I like that.  I do this for so many reasons, but mostly because today isn't just given to anyone. 

 

Okay, the rest of this ramble will be up tomorrow.  I think.  No promises.
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