Owning ourselves

"Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you."
~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

And they did. Paycheck by paycheck, nothing left for living. Just for bills, bills, bills. Oh the bills, bills, bills. No vacations, no extras, no savings. No college funds, no Christmas money and no fun money. We worked and paid bills.

Is that living? Is this what the American Dream is? To work your ass off to own a home that consumes every moment of spare time and all your earnings? To pay as much per month for two vehicles as we did for our house? Is this what we've bought into?

No more folks. Big changes over here. We're ditching it all. The house, the cars, the dvr service. Everything. After Friday we will no longer have car payments. After next month or so, the house will be a memory. Renters again. No water bill, no appliances to repair or replace. No worries about heating sytems and plumbing. Just us and money left over to do with what we like.

I see the change in Aaron already. A weight lifted. The worried forehead and tight expression on a prematurely graying 26 year old... something is wrong with that.

We bought into it. And we were so not ready for it. Two people working more than full time, 4 kids and no downtime. Every weekend was spent just trying to catch up with house stuff. Painting never finished, repairs that were needed but we just couldn't afford... GOODBYE!

Some of this is hard. And its scary because we technically will not have a place to live very soon. We are looking at a home for rent in my hometown and God willing we'll get it. Its too perfect to put into words. My daughters can spend more time with me. They can hop on a bus and go to school. Its about 2 miles from daycare and 3 miles from my work. Its adorable. And its right across the street from a great park with a playground and dog park. Fishing, hiking, you name it.

Its okay to get rid of it. It means less than nothing. And that isn't as easy to live as it is to say. Its easy to type it, but believing it is different. Women, ya know... we like to have an image of having it all. Of putting it all together in some sort of pretty package. We like our shoes to match our bags and our kids to look clean and put together. We like our homes to be our billboards, telling the world what kind of mom we are. Or what kind of wife. We trick ourselves into believing this crap.

Its okay to get rid of it. And you know, my yard looked like shit anyhow.