Nothing-essness
I am not too sure what's going on with me. I want to do nothing but sleep. I don't care about the yard, the laundry or the mess in my house. I have to make myself read books to my sons (this is the one thing that is really bothering me). I've been actually counting down to bedtime. I used to be surprised when the clock read 7:30. Tonight, I laid in my bed with the boys and put on a movie after dinner thinking, "It's 5:30 if they watchthis I can just put them in bed after." WTF is that?
Not cool.
This is not me. I don't know if I'm just exhausted still from being sick, but I can't imagine how I would still feel like this. It sucks. I wonder if my long weekend has something to do with the intensity of tired I'm feeling. But, I haven't really felt good in over a month. This exhaustion is horrible.
I'm also short-tempered. And quick to bitch. Or be one. That's probably nothing new though... haha.
I sort of feel a lot of nothing. I'm blogging this more for personal reasons. Its an easy way to track this stuff. With the depression I've fought in the past, these feelings aren't taken lightly for me. And that is exactly what I"m afraid is going on here. I don't know that Aaron would recognize it, we hardly see other. And even then I don't think he would get it. He wasn't around the first time I dealt with this. It's different now though, I'm not feeling the anxiety I once did. I'm just feeling, hopelessness.
Also not like me, but I just can't shake it.
Not cool.
This is not me. I don't know if I'm just exhausted still from being sick, but I can't imagine how I would still feel like this. It sucks. I wonder if my long weekend has something to do with the intensity of tired I'm feeling. But, I haven't really felt good in over a month. This exhaustion is horrible.
I'm also short-tempered. And quick to bitch. Or be one. That's probably nothing new though... haha.
I sort of feel a lot of nothing. I'm blogging this more for personal reasons. Its an easy way to track this stuff. With the depression I've fought in the past, these feelings aren't taken lightly for me. And that is exactly what I"m afraid is going on here. I don't know that Aaron would recognize it, we hardly see other. And even then I don't think he would get it. He wasn't around the first time I dealt with this. It's different now though, I'm not feeling the anxiety I once did. I'm just feeling, hopelessness.
Also not like me, but I just can't shake it.
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteI really understand where you are coming from. If you read some of my last blogs that is what I was talking about too. I have zero energy. when the kids nap, I want to nap, when they are up, I want to nap. I have NO patients and I'm cranky all the time. My house looks like a shithole, but I just can't seem to do anything with it. I never thought that it might be depression. I do have a little bit of an anxious/anxiety feeling every now and then. I just hope that this will get better soon... so that I can get back to being Mommy again real soon. Good luck. Keep blogging... it gets it out and maybe makes you feel better. ;)
Jenn