A White Balloon
Easter was on one hand totally fun and wonderful and on the other hand a day I couldn't wait to be finished with.
The boys were awesome. Aaron was awesome. The girls were, yes, awesome. I overdid things Friday and Saturday I woke up and basically I could barely walk. The joints in my body were so fricking painful I couldn't reach my arms over my head, I couldn't move my toes on my left foot and the rest of me was just, was just painful. Aaron called out of work and did all the running around. He setup for coloring eggs, made a Easter House out of candy with the kiddos, cleaned and basically rocked all day. I never left my bed except for about 10 minutes of egg coloring with the boys.
Sunday I felt better. I was supposed to host dinner at my house, but Saturday we moved it to mom's. Thank God!!! It was Patrick's 30th birthday Sunday. Yeah, that kind of changed things for us. Every year Pat did this huge Easter Egg Hunt at my mom and dad's house. He would hide eggs EVERYWHERE. Like up in the trees! All the kids had a blast, some eggs were hid easily for the little ones and harder ones for the older kids. Everyone got to find a certain number of eggs and then they were done, this helped make things fair.
We didn't do the big hunt in the yard. You know, we were going back and forth with this. We were feeling like, "Pat would be so mad if we didn't do it." But in the end, I sort of felt like, we've done everything else, let's let this one go. It sucks, but you know... I just couldn't do it. I didn't WANT to do it.
A bunch of my family met at the cemetery for Pat's birthday yesterday. They let a whole bunch of white balloons go with messages attached. I couldn't go. I just wanted to be alone, so I stayed home with Aaron and the kids.
Later that day at my mom's house, I grabbed a white balloon that was already losing its weightlessness. Wrote a short message right on it and skipped the card. It was super windy outside.
Part of me wanted to walk onto the hill and find the Sunny Spot to let my balloon go. I wanted to back to where so many memories live. Where so much happened, so much happiness up there. But a lot of pain too. We did that as kids, we took our problems to a place where we could let it all out, where we didn't have to whisper or pretend. We could tell each other things up there that we never could have in our own backyards. We believed in ourselves up there. We climbed higher, ran faster. We were fearless on the Hill. Invincible. I wanted to feel like that again. I miss feeling invincible, immortal. I wanted to go back to a place and time where death hadn't knocked on our doors, where only old people die and we lived forever.
But you can't can you? Go back. So, I stood there in my parents' yard and looked up at that little white balloon sailing up to the heavens. I wanted go with it. There was a moment where I would have given anything to just grab a hold of that string and fly up to the heavens and hand that stupid balloon to him myself.
"Mommy!! Look! Look at me!"
And there, smiling at me, were my reasons not to.
The boys were awesome. Aaron was awesome. The girls were, yes, awesome. I overdid things Friday and Saturday I woke up and basically I could barely walk. The joints in my body were so fricking painful I couldn't reach my arms over my head, I couldn't move my toes on my left foot and the rest of me was just, was just painful. Aaron called out of work and did all the running around. He setup for coloring eggs, made a Easter House out of candy with the kiddos, cleaned and basically rocked all day. I never left my bed except for about 10 minutes of egg coloring with the boys.
Sunday I felt better. I was supposed to host dinner at my house, but Saturday we moved it to mom's. Thank God!!! It was Patrick's 30th birthday Sunday. Yeah, that kind of changed things for us. Every year Pat did this huge Easter Egg Hunt at my mom and dad's house. He would hide eggs EVERYWHERE. Like up in the trees! All the kids had a blast, some eggs were hid easily for the little ones and harder ones for the older kids. Everyone got to find a certain number of eggs and then they were done, this helped make things fair.
We didn't do the big hunt in the yard. You know, we were going back and forth with this. We were feeling like, "Pat would be so mad if we didn't do it." But in the end, I sort of felt like, we've done everything else, let's let this one go. It sucks, but you know... I just couldn't do it. I didn't WANT to do it.
A bunch of my family met at the cemetery for Pat's birthday yesterday. They let a whole bunch of white balloons go with messages attached. I couldn't go. I just wanted to be alone, so I stayed home with Aaron and the kids.
Later that day at my mom's house, I grabbed a white balloon that was already losing its weightlessness. Wrote a short message right on it and skipped the card. It was super windy outside.
Part of me wanted to walk onto the hill and find the Sunny Spot to let my balloon go. I wanted to back to where so many memories live. Where so much happened, so much happiness up there. But a lot of pain too. We did that as kids, we took our problems to a place where we could let it all out, where we didn't have to whisper or pretend. We could tell each other things up there that we never could have in our own backyards. We believed in ourselves up there. We climbed higher, ran faster. We were fearless on the Hill. Invincible. I wanted to feel like that again. I miss feeling invincible, immortal. I wanted to go back to a place and time where death hadn't knocked on our doors, where only old people die and we lived forever.
But you can't can you? Go back. So, I stood there in my parents' yard and looked up at that little white balloon sailing up to the heavens. I wanted go with it. There was a moment where I would have given anything to just grab a hold of that string and fly up to the heavens and hand that stupid balloon to him myself.
"Mommy!! Look! Look at me!"
And there, smiling at me, were my reasons not to.
THERE WAS BALLOONS LET GO IN CHICOPEE,FLORIDA, CAL.AND GRANBY THAT DAY, patrick's friend baby to be born that day too, DYLAN'S BALLOON DISAPEARED AND WE TOLD HIM PATRICK GOT IT AND HE JUST SAID I KNEW HE WOULD GET MINE WITH HIS NOTE SAYING I LOVE YOU PAT !!! CAN'T BELIVE HE WASN'T HERE TO CELABRATE IT!!! KATE
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