Freak-Out Frank and his Road Rage Rant
I'm driving to work, listening to NPR Morning Edition. There's an intersection that has 2 lanes: left for turning left and/or going straight and right lane for right turn only.
I'm in the left lane, behind about 3 vehicles. In the right lane there are about 9 cars. Light turns green. Freak-out Frank (we haven't met yet) is in the right lane about 1 car behind me. He should be in the left lane. He realizes his error and snaps his Crown Vic in front of me. He is so close I don't know how he doesn't clip the front of my van.
In response to his idiocy and rudeness, I give him a "toot" and the universal guesture of, "DUDE! WTF?!" I wasn't really ticked, but I wanted him to know that he almost hit me. In fact, I was sort of impressed by his swift maneuver in that boat of a car.
As we continue down a very residential but busy street, I realize FOF (Freak-out Frank) was an asshole driver. He was tailgating whomever was in front of him, he was last minute braking if they had to turn off the street. Just a real jerk.
I stay back about 1 or 2 car lengths to watch FOF and ponder what in his life is so bad that he would behave this way. I was really concerned for FOF and his loved ones.
White minivan in front of FOF turns right. FOF nearly hits WM as it is turning. He leans on the horn. Guy is a freak all right. WM did nothing wrong other than be in front of FOF.
Now here, at this moment is where things get crazy. After WM's right turn, I got a bit closer to FOF. He begins to accelerate and recover from the horrorific right-turning white minivan. To this moment, I dont' know how we made it out of that alive. I mean, FOF was going straight and this guy just flicks on a directional, slows down and TURNS DAMMIT! That's not what we imagined our ride to work be!!!
As we begin to speed up, Frank BRAKE TESTS ME!!!! I am so far back from him I actually look to see if maybe an animal had run in the road. I barely touch my brakes and wait to see what the heck this dude's issue is. I give a slight, arms raised shoulders shrugged gesture more in lines of "huh?". FOF interprets my arm movements to mean, "I hope your mother burns in hell for giving birth to the putrid matter that you are you total loser-freak."
FOF now begins this crazy made-up sign language rant. He is flailing about in his seat, he is pointing and yelling and his arms are spastic birds on crack. I notice he is wearing a purple wind-breaker, a shiny watch and appears to be around 35 - 40 years old. I think his tan may have been fake. I saw his wrist and hand flick out the window a few times and I got a good glimpse at an orangy fake bake.
I start laughing. I even cover my mouth with my right hand and point with my left so he KNOWS I'm hysterical. I turn to the guy behind me and he is giving me the "WTF is going on up there?" I gesture back, "This dude in front of me is frigging nuts!"
Soooo, seeing that we have a silent alliance going, FOF GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND TURNS TOWARDS ME.
Now, I'm really, really hysterical. I haven't laughed like this since my last viewing of Corky Romano.
A tiny voice in my head whispers, "Jenn, you probably shouldn't let this guy near you. He's a crazy person."
So, what did I do?
I passed him on the right and left poor Freak-out Frank flailing fruitlessly on the freeway.
I'm in the left lane, behind about 3 vehicles. In the right lane there are about 9 cars. Light turns green. Freak-out Frank (we haven't met yet) is in the right lane about 1 car behind me. He should be in the left lane. He realizes his error and snaps his Crown Vic in front of me. He is so close I don't know how he doesn't clip the front of my van.
In response to his idiocy and rudeness, I give him a "toot" and the universal guesture of, "DUDE! WTF?!" I wasn't really ticked, but I wanted him to know that he almost hit me. In fact, I was sort of impressed by his swift maneuver in that boat of a car.
As we continue down a very residential but busy street, I realize FOF (Freak-out Frank) was an asshole driver. He was tailgating whomever was in front of him, he was last minute braking if they had to turn off the street. Just a real jerk.
I stay back about 1 or 2 car lengths to watch FOF and ponder what in his life is so bad that he would behave this way. I was really concerned for FOF and his loved ones.
White minivan in front of FOF turns right. FOF nearly hits WM as it is turning. He leans on the horn. Guy is a freak all right. WM did nothing wrong other than be in front of FOF.
Now here, at this moment is where things get crazy. After WM's right turn, I got a bit closer to FOF. He begins to accelerate and recover from the horrorific right-turning white minivan. To this moment, I dont' know how we made it out of that alive. I mean, FOF was going straight and this guy just flicks on a directional, slows down and TURNS DAMMIT! That's not what we imagined our ride to work be!!!
As we begin to speed up, Frank BRAKE TESTS ME!!!! I am so far back from him I actually look to see if maybe an animal had run in the road. I barely touch my brakes and wait to see what the heck this dude's issue is. I give a slight, arms raised shoulders shrugged gesture more in lines of "huh?". FOF interprets my arm movements to mean, "I hope your mother burns in hell for giving birth to the putrid matter that you are you total loser-freak."
FOF now begins this crazy made-up sign language rant. He is flailing about in his seat, he is pointing and yelling and his arms are spastic birds on crack. I notice he is wearing a purple wind-breaker, a shiny watch and appears to be around 35 - 40 years old. I think his tan may have been fake. I saw his wrist and hand flick out the window a few times and I got a good glimpse at an orangy fake bake.
I start laughing. I even cover my mouth with my right hand and point with my left so he KNOWS I'm hysterical. I turn to the guy behind me and he is giving me the "WTF is going on up there?" I gesture back, "This dude in front of me is frigging nuts!"
Soooo, seeing that we have a silent alliance going, FOF GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND TURNS TOWARDS ME.
Now, I'm really, really hysterical. I haven't laughed like this since my last viewing of Corky Romano.
A tiny voice in my head whispers, "Jenn, you probably shouldn't let this guy near you. He's a crazy person."
So, what did I do?
I passed him on the right and left poor Freak-out Frank flailing fruitlessly on the freeway.
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