Inept.
I learned something very important today. I know almost nothing about parenting. I thought I knew a little something, but a total breakdown/meltdown today by my 10yo has left me.... stupefied.
I am feeling: unsettled, a bit depressed, anxious and completely inept. My girl, who I considered my alter-ego, has left me a bit shattered.
All I can say is this: don't ever get divorced. Unless you are being beaten physically or emotionally or your kids are, just stay fricken married. It's not worth it. I used to tell myself that kids can learn to adjust, that eventually things will work out. I still try to kid myself sometimes. The truth is, they don't adjust. They just stop telling you how they're feeling after a while. They sort of surrender to a situation that they can't control. They hate having two houses. Having parents who get along doesn't make anything easier. It just confuses them. And here, 5 years later... the pain is as real and as sharp and deep as it was June 2002.
Never. Again. I will never put my sons through this. I don't care what happens in my life, I will never repeat the horror show that my daughters deal with. Being a mom, that means that I feel guilty that my daughters will have to grow up in two houses while my sons will only have one. And their one is right now much happier than the one my daughters had.
The scene in my van was one that I am completely incapable of dealing with. It went so far beyond my ability as a mother, I dialed 9-1-... and then stopped. I just concentrated on her safety: she was standing in my van and trying to throw the empty car seat through my van window. Yes. You heard me. My goofy, silly, beautiful girl was totally out of control.
I'm really not having a good night. I haven't felt like this in so long. I'm tired and I just feel so god damn helpless. I just can't fix this and I don't know what to say to her. She is so mad at me, still. Sometimes, I just feel like maybe their right, maybe it would be easier to just surrender and give it up. Let him have the girls weekdays and I take them on weekends. Its all they want.
I can't though. I can't just let them be raised by him and that family. I don't want those ideals to be the only ones they are exposed to. And, they need their mom. Even if they don't know that right now, they do. If only he would back that up with a little encouragement. I shouldn't say that, he probably does. he's a good dad. but he has major issues and I don't want my kids growing up brainwashed as neo-conservatives. They need my balance. Or my totally left-swinging social perspective.
This is just so hard. And sometimes, I just get tired from fighting this. Tonight, I"m exhausted and a fire couldn't drag my ass out of this bed.
I will say that she has apologized and admitted to "acting like a jerk." She is lying at the foot of my bed right now. And she has been trying to be helpful. Guilt. She's feeling a bit bad for saying the things she was saying. Well, that's a good sign I guess.
A good night's sleep will help.
I am feeling: unsettled, a bit depressed, anxious and completely inept. My girl, who I considered my alter-ego, has left me a bit shattered.
All I can say is this: don't ever get divorced. Unless you are being beaten physically or emotionally or your kids are, just stay fricken married. It's not worth it. I used to tell myself that kids can learn to adjust, that eventually things will work out. I still try to kid myself sometimes. The truth is, they don't adjust. They just stop telling you how they're feeling after a while. They sort of surrender to a situation that they can't control. They hate having two houses. Having parents who get along doesn't make anything easier. It just confuses them. And here, 5 years later... the pain is as real and as sharp and deep as it was June 2002.
Never. Again. I will never put my sons through this. I don't care what happens in my life, I will never repeat the horror show that my daughters deal with. Being a mom, that means that I feel guilty that my daughters will have to grow up in two houses while my sons will only have one. And their one is right now much happier than the one my daughters had.
The scene in my van was one that I am completely incapable of dealing with. It went so far beyond my ability as a mother, I dialed 9-1-... and then stopped. I just concentrated on her safety: she was standing in my van and trying to throw the empty car seat through my van window. Yes. You heard me. My goofy, silly, beautiful girl was totally out of control.
I'm really not having a good night. I haven't felt like this in so long. I'm tired and I just feel so god damn helpless. I just can't fix this and I don't know what to say to her. She is so mad at me, still. Sometimes, I just feel like maybe their right, maybe it would be easier to just surrender and give it up. Let him have the girls weekdays and I take them on weekends. Its all they want.
I can't though. I can't just let them be raised by him and that family. I don't want those ideals to be the only ones they are exposed to. And, they need their mom. Even if they don't know that right now, they do. If only he would back that up with a little encouragement. I shouldn't say that, he probably does. he's a good dad. but he has major issues and I don't want my kids growing up brainwashed as neo-conservatives. They need my balance. Or my totally left-swinging social perspective.
This is just so hard. And sometimes, I just get tired from fighting this. Tonight, I"m exhausted and a fire couldn't drag my ass out of this bed.
I will say that she has apologized and admitted to "acting like a jerk." She is lying at the foot of my bed right now. And she has been trying to be helpful. Guilt. She's feeling a bit bad for saying the things she was saying. Well, that's a good sign I guess.
A good night's sleep will help.
NO YOU DID THE RIGHT THING It really sucks that we can't make thing perfect everyday of our kids lives but she had to let you know how she feels and you both told her thatis good to speak your mind it is over and know you can work on the next pre teen problem never had girls thank you god !!but these happen and you do the best to get over it and learn from it but it WILL ALL BE GOOD AGAIN just keep listening and not forgetting how they feel adjustments can be made to help but don't let them go!!! love you jenn the sis with 1 child been there but just once
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