Finding it

Thanks Chevy. We're turning the music up, we're dancing in the living room and we're going to do some things differently.

First of all... I'm taking a big giant step back. The label will serve its purpose for my son. It will give him access to the treatments that will help him. This is good. Here's the new plan:

*I will continue the dairy free and then add the gluten free component of his diet.

*I will read the daycare logs on Friday afternoons only. I will not take copies and pour over them at night trying to find a pattern. There isn't one. Done. I will simply use this tool to measure the success of the diet and then the therapy.

*I will let the specialists do their jobs.

*I will not spend hours on the internet reading other people's stories, successes, and failures.

*I will let my son be himself and never tell anyone that he is autistic. The only people who know (well, other than the readers here) will be his caregivers and his family.

*I will not keep a mental diary about his tantrums and what I should try next time, what works, what doesn't.

*I will be a mother of 4. I will love each of them in my own imperfect, stumbling, hate to cook and clean slacker mom way.

*I will start my Christmas shopping today. Hopefully.

No more. No more posts about my anger or frustration. You won't get it. I won't dwell on it. Because life is fricking short. Because there are such worse fates. Because I have a good life and I have people around me who love me. Because we all made it through this shitty, stupid year. Because 2007 is almost gone and good things are coming our way. We've survived and we all love each other still. My brothers, my sisters, my nieces and nephews are all here still. We're a bit worse for the wear, some of us a bit shaken and looking a little worn... but we're here. My parents are here and they have been through the mill this past 12 months.

And now we say goodbye to it. And we move and we breathe and we love each other. We forgive. We look ahead and shrug it off. Because we're Currans. And that is what matters.