A New Kind of Okay
Monday. I can't believe its been a week. We're all doing fine I guess. One day at a time. I can be fine and going about my day and the craziest thoughts pop into my head. Silly memories. I get sad sometimes, yeah. Of course I do. But mostly I can think of him and smile. I can talk about it without crying. I dream of Pat a lot. I like that. My memories at night are better and I can hear him so perfectly. Its like a visit or something.
I always feel him with me and I think that helps. I feel him watching over us, layering a protective blanket on us. Patrick is helping us through this, of that I have not a doubt. He sends us warm thoughts and carries us through our days. I'm not scared any more. I'm not freaked out.
I went to his grave over the weekend and I honestly didn't feel any closer to him than I do sitting in my house. I guess its different for everyone. And that is how it should be.
I'm going to extend that protective blanket of Pat's over to his mom and not post about her yet. Kathy's pain is entirely a different story than mine. And its her's to hold onto and her's to tell if she chooses.
Right now, I just want to her to know that I love her and I'm here. We all are. We can hold you up Kate, we can listen and we can do whatever you need us to. But the hard parts... those are going to have to happen when no one is looking. And it may never be the same okay it was, but one day there will be a new kind of okay. And in that sense, if we accept this new way of being, of seeing and doing in this world... maybe that's when "okay" can happen again.
~~~~
I don't know. I'm trying you know? God's plan isn't our plan. I've never known that so keenly as I have in these past 10 days.
I always feel him with me and I think that helps. I feel him watching over us, layering a protective blanket on us. Patrick is helping us through this, of that I have not a doubt. He sends us warm thoughts and carries us through our days. I'm not scared any more. I'm not freaked out.
I went to his grave over the weekend and I honestly didn't feel any closer to him than I do sitting in my house. I guess its different for everyone. And that is how it should be.
I'm going to extend that protective blanket of Pat's over to his mom and not post about her yet. Kathy's pain is entirely a different story than mine. And its her's to hold onto and her's to tell if she chooses.
Right now, I just want to her to know that I love her and I'm here. We all are. We can hold you up Kate, we can listen and we can do whatever you need us to. But the hard parts... those are going to have to happen when no one is looking. And it may never be the same okay it was, but one day there will be a new kind of okay. And in that sense, if we accept this new way of being, of seeing and doing in this world... maybe that's when "okay" can happen again.
~~~~
I don't know. I'm trying you know? God's plan isn't our plan. I've never known that so keenly as I have in these past 10 days.
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